End Of The Term Awards
by SparkleMoonBunny
Summary: Its that time of the year again! End Of the Terms. But it's done with a twist! Complete!
1. Default Chapter

Oh my gosh I'm back again! This time I'm going for pure comedy. I saw Chamber of Secrets twice and I don't care what anyone says, the ending scene reminded me of something from the Oscars. Thus, this is why I'm writing this. Read and respond!  
  
Oscar Night: Hogwart Style by Sparklemoonbunny  
  
  
  
(It's night time and thousands of reporters, photographers, fans, limos, etc. are outside Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry preparing for tonight's biggest event: The End of The Term Awards!)  
Reporter: Hello and welcome to the annual End of The Term Awards! My name is Karen Sympathy and I'll be your reporter this evening. We just got word that all the big name stars are here so let's go inside where the awards are about to begin!  
  
(Inside, the Great Hall has been redecorated with elegant round tables and a stage has been set up with a podium. Everyone is sitting down clapping as the chorus line leaves and onstage walks up Gilderoy Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley.)  
Lockhart: Hello and welcome to the 2002 End of The School Year Awards! I am Gilderoy Lockhart, professional Sexy Man, winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile, Order Of Merlin 3rd Class, Most Likely to Look Good and Never Have a Bad Hair Day, and..  
(Mrs. Weasley taps him.)  
Lockhart: Oh, and this Mrs. Weasley.  
(Mrs. Weasley waves.)  
Mrs. Weasley: Our first category is for Smartest Student. The nominees are: Hermione Granger.  
(Hermione who's sitting in the audience smiles and waves to the camera.)  
Mrs. Weasley: Harry Potter  
(Harry smiles)  
Mrs. Weasley: Draco Malfoy  
(Draco holds up a sign reading "I'd better win or I'll tell my father!".)  
Mrs. Weasley: And Neville Longbottom?  
(Everyone looks confused and Neville shrugs.)  
Lockhart: And the winner is....Hermione Granger!  
(Hermione smiles and goes up to the stage while everyone claps. Except for Malfoy who pulls out a cell phone and whispers furiously into it.)  
Hermione (Clutching a golden statuette of a humpback witch): I want to thank everyone who made this possible! The people who believed in me most: my parents! And all my friends!   
(Audience claps as Hermione, Lockhart, & Mrs. Weasley all walk off the stage. Appearing onstage now is Professor Snape.)  
Snape: I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!  
(Audience goes silent and crickets are chirping.)  
Snape (clearing throat): I said I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!  
(Only a single cough can be heard. Snape looks to camera guy who only shrugs.)  
Snape: You know? Arms? I'm a wizard..I don't need to use arms to fly?  
(Audience still remains quiet.)  
Snape: Laugh or I'll take 50 points from Gryffindor!  
(Audience forces a laugh.)  
Snape: That's better! Now the next category is Most Visits to The Hospital Wing. The nominees are: Harry Potter  
(Harry smiles)  
Snape: Neville Longbottom  
(Neville blushes)  
Snape: Dick Cheney  
(Dick Cheney waves to the cameras)  
Snape: And Draco Malfoy  
(Malfoy sits beside a dozen lawyers looking sinister.)  
Snape (opening envelope): And the winner is....cursed! Harry Potter.  
(Harry gets up and shakes everyone's hand whose sitting besides him. He then walks up the stairs to the stage and grabs his award)  
Harry: I don't know what to say! It's quite an honor! I guess I want to thank Madame Pomfrey for the treatment and J.K. Rowling for not letting me die. Thank you all!  
(Harry then turns to walk down the steps but looses his balance and falls to the floor.)  
Harry: I think I broke my leg!  
(Madame Pomfrey rushes over to Harry and shakes her head.)  
Pomfrey: Back to the hospital wing!  
(Mediwizards help Harry up and carry him off. Dumbledore and McGonagall then walk onstage.)  
McGonagall: That was different.  
Dumbledore: Very. I do hope the boy has good insurance. Anyway our next category is Most Likely to Have Colored Their Hair.  
McGonagall: And the nominees are: Ronald Weasley  
(Ron (Who's eating Every Flavor Beans) looks up at his name being called and cheers)  
McGonagall: Colin Creevey  
(Colin smiles)  
McGonagall: Draco Malfoy  
(Draco smirks and runs a hand through his hair.)  
McGonagall: and someone who doesn't even go to this school, Spongebob Squarepants  
(Spongebob, sitting next to Patrick, whispers "What Hair?")  
Dumbledore: And the winner is... Draco Malfoy!  
(Draco stands up and as he walks down the pathway to the stage as witches throw a trail of flowers (His father hired them) for him to walk on.)  
Draco: I don't want to thank anyone! This is mine! You're all stupid and...  
Dumbledore: Oops! I made an error! The card actually read Ron Weasley! How embarrasing. I'm afraid I'll have to take this award away from you  
(Dumbledore snatches award from Draco who is standing there mouth agape.)  
Draco: But...but...it's mine.  
(Ron rushes onstage to receive the award. Draco still stands in shock.)  
McGonagall: Uh can someone remove him?  
(Mr. Filch comes out with a push broom and sweeps Draco offstage as audience claps.)  
(Ron finishes up his speech and goes offstage. Lockhart comes back onstage with Mrs. Weasley.)  
Lockhart: We're going to take a short break but we'll return to the End of The Term Awards after these commercials!  
Mrs. Weasley: So stay tuned! 


	2. Part 2

It's me again! Time for round two! Thanks to all who reviewed, I love you guys! Please remember to read and respond! ~Sparklemoonbunny  
  
Part Two  
  
(The scene starts back outside the school where zillions of reporters are discussing the recent events and waiting for interviews.)  
Reporter: This is Arman Hammer, reporting live outside of Hogwarts School where we just got word that the next part of the ceremony is about to go on. It has also come to my attention that Mister Harry Potter seemed to have broken his leg during the awards. Let's see if I can get a response from any of the fans.  
(Arman walks near a crowd of screaming girls who are behind a velvet red rope and crying out for Harry)  
Arman: Excuse me, can I have an interview with one of you young ladies?  
(A crying girl wearing a wedding gown with a sign taped to it that reads "Harry Will You Marry Me?" approaches Arman and grabs his microphone.)  
Girl: HARRY I LOVE YOU!!!! MARRY ME!!!!  
(Arman snatches the microphone and looks annoyed but then composes himself.)  
Arman: Yes that's interesting. How do you feel about Harry's injury?  
Girl (looking shocked and angry at Arman.): Harry hurt himself?! What? How? I bet you did it!  
Arman: What? I didn't do anything! I'm just letting you-  
Girl: You did it! I'll KILL YOU!!!  
(Girl along with more girls all tackle Arman to the ground and attack him like a pack of wild dogs. The camera guy laughs and positions the camera to ground level.)  
Arman: Let's get.... OUCH...back to the awards.  
(Back inside Hogwarts, the orchestra stops playing and the audience claps as the announcer introduces Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley again)  
Announcer: Please welcome back our hosts, Gilderoy Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley.  
(Audience claps and Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley walk on stage.)  
Lockhart: Thank you. I understand that you all miss me. What can I say? I am a loveable guy! In fact there was this one time-  
Mrs. Weasley: Uh Gilderoy? We have to announce the presenters.  
Lockhart: Oh right. Well here to present the next category is Crabbe and Goyle!  
(Audience boos and hisses as Crabbe and Goyle walk on stage.)  
Crabbe: Uh, why are we here?  
Goyle: I don't know. They promised us cake.  
Crabbe: I don't see any.  
Goyle: They said that when somebody gets an award we get cake.  
Crabbe: Let's call a name. Uh, how about Angelina?  
(Audience claps and Angelina confusedly walks onstage to receive the award for ...uh ...well...we'll never know.)  
Angelina (clutching award): Well, I don't know why I won this so I can't really give a speech. Just...uh...thanks!  
(She walks offstage and applause is followed. Crabbe and Goyle are given cake and then Professor Lupin walks to the podium as Crabbe and Goyle leaves.)  
Lupin: I think Mr. Weasley put it best. How thick can you get?  
(Audience laughs.)  
Lupin: Anyway I'm here to present a category and award. Note both.  
(More laughter)  
Lupin: The next award goes to School TroubleMaker. The nominees are: Draco Malfoy  
(Draco points to a sack in his hand filled with 50000 galleons and murmurs "Bribe!")  
Lupin: Peeves   
(Peeves sticks his tongue out at the camera.)  
Lupin: Eminem  
(Eminem sticks middle finger up at camera much to the dislike of McGonagall who threatens "Detention!")  
Lupin: And the Weasley Twins!  
(Weasley twins high five each other)  
Lupin (Opening envelope): The winner is....The Weasley Twins!  
(Applause breaks out and Fred and George walk onstage. George shakes hands with Lupin and shocks him with a handshake buzzer.)  
George: Gotcha professor!  
Fred: We want to thank the good people at Mad Magazine!  
George: Yeah! That magazine is dead helpful. Oh and also all the countless of people we played pranks on.  
Fred: Thanks you guys!  
(The twins walk offstage and Nearly Headless Nick and the Bloody Baron walks on.)  
Nick: I say, these awards get better each year!  
Baron: When you're dead, everything seems better.  
(Audience laughs.)  
Baron: No, I'm serious.  
(More laughter.)  
Nick: Stop being a stick in the mud and let's introduce the next category.  
Baron: The next category goes to Prettiest Girl in Hogwarts. The nominees are Cho Chang  
(Cho blushes and claps politely.)  
Baron: Hermione Granger  
(Hermione puts down her copy of One thousand Magical Spells for Beginners and looks up as her name is called.)  
Baron: Parvti Patel  
(Parveti waves to the camera.)  
Baron: and Pansy Parkinson? This must be a mistake.  
(Pansy frowns and shakes her fist.)  
Nick: And the winner is... Cho Chang!  
(Cho rushes onstage and gracefully takes the award, smiling.)  
Cho: I don't know what to say. I can't believe so many of you voted for me!  
Nick: Yes, it was very interesting. You had a lot of votes summited by someone named Larry Motter.  
(Harry, sitting in the audience with a cast on blushes)  
Cho: Well whoever you are, Larry, thank you!  
(Cho, Nick, and the Bloody Baron all exit offstage. Lucius Malfoy and Mad eye Moody walk onstage)  
Lucius: I am only here because I'm bored.  
Moody: We both know that you want to have some fun and that's why you're here.  
Lucius: No, I'm bored.  
Moody: You want to have fun.  
Lucius: Listen I know what I-  
Moody: CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!!  
(Lucius shuts up and looks bewildered at Moody.)  
Moody (laughing): I love that phrase! Anyway the next category is Best Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher.  
Lucius: The nominees are: Professor Lupin  
(Lupin smiles)  
Lucius: You, Mad Eye Moody  
(Moody nods in approval.)  
Lucius: Professor and I use the term loosely, Lockhart  
(Lockhart puts down his mirror and gives a brilliant toothy smile.)  
Lucius: and the late Professor Quirrel.  
Lucius (opening envelope): The winner is....Lupin.  
(Lupin walks onstage and receives the award while Lucius and Moody walk offstage.)  
Lupin: I want to thank all the staff and students who kindly nominated me for this award! It's an honor!  
(Audience claps and Lupin walks offstage. Harry (on crutches) and Draco walk onstage.)  
Harry: Oh boy, it's you Draco.  
Draco: I didn't choose to work with you either, Potter. They just stuck us together. Something about us being the hottest guys in the books.  
Harry: I may be but they might have mistaken you, Malfoy.  
(Audience laughs and Draco snickers.)  
Draco: Very funny. At least I didn't break my leg.  
Harry: Come off it, Malfoy. You're just upset because you didn't win any awards.  
Draco: No. I'm not for your information. I don't even want a stupid award!  
Harry: Whatever. At least I'm a better Seeker than you!  
Draco: I doubt that. Maybe you catch that stupid Snitch but that's because your glasses probably magnify everything.  
Harry: I don't expect you to ever catch the Snitch, Malfoy. On account you are a Golden Snitch.  
(Audience laughs and the Weasley Twins shout out "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!". Malfoy looks embarrasses and mutters something about dyeing his hair.)  
Draco: Moving on, the next award is a special LifeTime Annoyance Award. It goes to a very special individual who has devoted their life to annoying and pestering others. The award is a plaque and a check for 2,0000,0000 galleons.  
Harry: The winner of this award is none other Lord Voldemort himself!  
(Audience claps and whistles.)  
Draco: Since Lord Voldemort couldn't be here personally, we are broadcasting him on satellite from Orlando Florida in Disney World.  
(Screen appears in back of Harry and Draco and Voldemort appears on it dressed in mouse ears, a Hawaiian print shirt, sunglasses, and holding a fruit drink with an umbrella straw in it.)  
Voldemort: I want to thank all my followers who voted for me, Lord Voldemort. When I first killed Lilly and James Potter I had no idea it would bring me to this! I am truly touched and can wait till I return back to the U.K. to cause more mayhem. Be ready Harry because Voldemort's coming back with a tan to kill you!  
(Screen lifts up and audience claps.)  
Harry: Isn't he great, ladies and gentlemen? Give him one more round of applause!  
(More clapping and then Draco and Harry leave. Mrs. Weasley along with Lockhart walk back onstage.)  
Lockhart: Well this night has become more magical by the moment!  
Mrs. Weasley: Indeed, but like all magical things it ends at midnight.  
Lockhart: Are you serious?  
Mrs. Weasley: Yes. After midnight the price to rent all this stuff doubles!  
Lockhart: Well that's why there's always the after party!  
(Crowd laughs.)  
Mrs. Weasley: We want to thank Albus Dumbledore for hosting this ceremony and Tabitha'a Magical Catering Service for providing us with second rate food.  
(Audience chuckles)  
Lockhart: Just kidding! Thank you for attending and we hope to see you at the after party! Good night!  
(Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley walk offstage and orchestra plays. Audience stands up and claps)  
Announcer: This has been your 2002 End of the Term Awards! Thank you and goodnight!  
(Back outside, reporters try to get a brief interview with all the stars as they file out to their limos. Fans scream out their names in hope of an autograph.)  
Arman: I'm Arman Hammer, reporting and it has become pretty obvious that the ceremony is over. The stars are coming out now and heading to their limos. Here comes Ron Weasley now! Let's see if I can get a word out of him.  
(Crowd cheers for Ron and Arman calls out Ron's name for an interview.)  
Arman: Ron, I understand you won an award! Congratulations! How do you feel?  
Ron: Thank you. I was really nervous and didn't expect to win an award but as you see I did.  
Arman: What are you planning to do now?  
Ron: Well me and the rest of the gang plan to go to the after party down at the Three Broomsticks Tavern to celebrate.  
Arman: Well good luck to you and thank you.  
(Ron shakes Arman's hand and wanders off.)  
Arman: I see Draco Malfoy approaching. Let's see if I can get an interview.  
(Arman calls Draco over.)  
Arman: Draco, what are your thoughts on the ceremony?  
Draco: It sucked. They get lousier each year.  
Arman: I take it you didn't win an award?  
(Draco looks outraged.)  
Draco: I didn't even want a stupid award. How dare you imply that!   
(Draco snaps his fingers and two bodyguards come out of nowhere and beat the snot out of Armen. Draco grabs the microphone.)  
Draco: You know who you really wanted to win! You wanted me! The awards were fixed! I want all my loyal fans to demand that Draco Malfoy get a special award for this injustice. You can send your letters to Give Draco An Award, care of Draco Malfoy, 222 Firench Lane. Hurry don't delay! This has been a Draco Malfoy Production. Good night! 


End file.
